prey

notlove

I guess the story is :
I fell in love.

The home of him.

The weight of his hand on the small of my back,
The careful in his smile, the fucking, the anchor of
His body, the spin of his words, the poetry of his thoughts, the
Fold of his shoulder on quiet mornings, how he pressed
His mouth against mine and told me he wanted to inhale me, how

No-one told me that wasn’t a metaphor.

I fell in love and it was easy as breathing
Underwater.

That is to say it wasn’t.
That is to say I

Dissolved.

Kept losing myself in the blind
Colour of his eyes until
Everything I did I did with him
Watching me. Even when he wasn’t there.

The chain reaction of our bodies.
Our movements feeding off one another, his conductor hands,
How it might have looked like music,

How he would have been the artist and I
The instrument.

No-one expects an instrument to have a voice unless
There is someone to play it. Unless
He was the one to pull it out
Of my open throat.

You’d think two was more than one but
Being with him I was half.

I fell in love and you’d think
I’d have noticed but I didn’t.
Smiled at him all barbed-wire kisses,
Thinking I was careful.

Didn’t feel him file all of my teeth until
I could no longer chew myself out of this.

I don’t know that I wanted to.

I make him sound like a predator.
I don’t know that he was.
I don’t know that it is his fault. I don’t
Know that it is mine.

The truth is he was sweet like summer,
The way a Coke is sweet, the condensation
Dripping like a lover’s sweat down the trail
Of their spine, and how
If you leave a tooth in a glassful of Coke,
By morning,
The tooth is gone.
Swallowed.

The truth is I let him.
The truth is when he chipped away at me,
The crumbs of my skin and words and bones,
I chipped right next to him.

They ask me why I didn’t run.

And I
Do not know what to say.

I fell in love.
I fell in love.

I didn’t know. No-one
Told me. No-one
Heard.

I fell in love and even
The gut-clenching survival instinct buried
In the deepest recesses of me didn’t say

Darling, this is nothing like love. 

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