one week in

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So it looks a little bit like this: observe the ideas carefully, like thoughts flitting through a stream, keeping quiet so as to not scare them away, letting them grow. Committing words to memory and to scraps of paper that I will lose almost immediately afterwards.

It looks like forgetting about it until it is hours later and everything is dark, eyes sleepy and bed warm; the sting of the thought turning my body awake. I have a blog post to write. A quiet groan.

It is late enough already and my limbs are heavy and there is a moment where I wonder if it is worth it. I am tired, and I do not have anything particularly brilliant to say, and I am not sure I have ever followed a long-term project through to completion. You probably aren’t going to make it to one hundred days, I say, so you might as well stop now. Pretend it never happened.

And then, it looks like this: like yawning and getting up and turning my computer back on and fumbling for my glasses, and wondering if I can write something under twenty minutes and knowing full well it will take longer. Like sifting through the ideas that I plucked from the stream and the half-jotted notes on creased paper, and going with something else entirely.

It looks like committing to the two hundred word mark, and remembering that done is better than perfect, and then groaning and spending an unnecessary amount of time rooting through my external hard drive because I cannot find a photograph that fits with what I am trying to say.

It looks like hitting Publish, and then Edit a handful of times, because the spacing isn’t right, and the alignment is shot, and there is a repetition I am not happy with, and then it looks like clicking on Save the changes.

Afterwards, it looks like turning my computer back off and going back to bed, and thinking I have done it for another day, and like sitting with that little flutter of excitement and of pride while I let myself grow sleepy again. Like carefully watching the stories that flit like quicksilver through my brain and wonder at the ones I will catch tomorrow.

I’m not going to lie: it isn’t perfect, and there are definitely some changes I’ll bring to it, but so far? I think it looks alright.

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